The Suck Up Sonnet

Dedicated humbly to the exalted, dazzling XVI GoH Talent Show Judges

To what does your splendor match? Deb Dicke,
You’re infused joy, like sparkling Bryan Schneider –
The happy zing of a fresh lime rickey;
The way of the martini: Fine gin (slight stir).

No Dacron GoH, Fran Underdown:
I style you and my two Mikottii
As a Dolce & Gabbana wedding gown;
Next to Shanzhai knockoffs, a true Dior tie.

You gems of humanity, Bonnie, John,
And precious parents, Tommye, Wayne,
Electrify my life like silicon
And shimmer as a rain-washed diamond vein.

My love for you’s timeless as smashed, stopped clocks.
Hey, this don’t work? How ‘bout some cash stuffed socks?

  • YOS
Posted in 2016 – WwW XVI, Poetry Slam | Leave a comment

Sunday morning profundity

From our customer satisfaction survey (“We value your opinion! — though frankly not as much as you do”):

Quote whore testimonials

  • “J’accuse WwW of being too much fun” (Deb)
  • “I’m not doing any homework” (Bonnie. A response to being asked to fill out the survey.)
  • “Words, words, words, etc.” (John Kieken.)
  • “It keeps going and going” (Bryan)
  • “We thank God for John Hoffman who made this possible” (Wayne — well what do you expect from a father?)
  • “Will set your hair on fire” (Bonnie, submitted by Fran)
  • “Fewer and fewer unexplained odors every year!” (YOS)

Least compelling experience

  • Hamlet: He should have died in the first Act (Wayne)
  • Bloomington Museum (Fran)
  • Burr House (The Johnbon)
  • The Mary Ann reunion — people who hate people (Deb)

Some thoughts from Weekender Wayne:

  • Shakespeare should be given in regular American language
  • 2016 group of 10 were outstanding personalities — and people, too!
  • Compliments to Deb for an excellent mystery show
  • Best of off, compliments to John for doing this now and in previous years

And to the question of whether anyone has organizational proposals or suggestions for future Weekends, from Deb: “Let’s ask McKinsey!”

Posted in 2016 – WwW XVI, Survey Says... | Leave a comment

Top Ten of 16

Top Ten entries, in no particular order. Please add, vote, scratch your head ….

  1. You don’t even have to have a line to be a bad actor. (Mike, speaking of the skittish bit players.)
  2. This Indignation Meeting is hereby called to order. (We learned that when people felt irked in the 1800s, they got together and whined. We intend to revive the tradition.)
  3. The Johnbon. (Our new Weekend celebrity couple.)
  4. I feel like I’ve been put in a bowl. (Chris Hage through FaceTime. He was right. But oh what a fancy Vrooman bowl he ended up in.)
  5. It’s rude to do email at the table. (Bonnie to Fran, after we all encouraged her to take out her phone to help her figure out various functions.)
  6. …. since.” (DD noticed an open quote missing on the Lincoln plaque at Audio Tour 7 site, near the parking garage. It was theorized that the close quote was in fact a size reference, possibly six inches. Hopefully not related to a part of Lincoln.)
  7. And when I first opened the bed and breakfast, I realized people would be walking right into my area. So I built a wall. (We got a tour from Mary Ann of the Burr House, our earlier haunt, and learned explicitly what she thinks of pestering people like us. From Bryan)
  8. Fran: Anyone can use Yelp; you don’t have to pay? Bryan: Don’t worry I’ll get in you in for five dollars. (The beginning of the running $5 joke. From Mike.)
  9. Nothing ever works right, but sometimes it works better. (Mindless/sublime observation of YOS on modern technology. From Mike.)
  10. And the embalming surgeon might also sign up the subject for a trial New Yorker subscription and then observe carefully to see whether he ultimately renews or cancels. (The Civil War undertaking demonstration offered many, many tests to confirm demise. Others we wondered about: Shave and a haircut, start a knock-knock joke, take the subject to a black-tie concert and watch his reaction … )
  11. There are no double meanings. Only meanings. (YOS lamenting the dull directness of the new Match Game questions. From Mike.)
  12. That’s what we need. More Shakespeare. (Bonnie’s observation, possibly meant ironically. From Mike.)
  13. You put your hair away, and we’ll take the cheese out. (YOS with the annual cheese conveyance quote. Deb still had her Ellie Mae costume on. From DD.)
  14. Now is the time to get in on the third floor of that opportunity. (Bryan, on the vacation home boom in La Salle County. From DD.)
  15. We put the F U in “fun.” (Proposed slogan of Marseilles Fun Days, which was cancelled before we arrived.)
Posted in 2016 – WwW XVI, Top Ten | Leave a comment

Weekend XV: Murder Most Fun

Yet again you found a way, Central Illinois, to surprise and charm us.

The King paid us an audience before tossing on his robes. Next day we costumed ourselves, according to the mind of Bard of Bloomington Deb “Murder She Wrote” Dicke. We quaffed wine at an art fair, rode silly bikes, lied our way through to a new GoH winner (humility virgin Wayne), charaded like Wizards and had the best Turkish food this side of Constantinople. And for the record, Kulm Kocktail Kontest winner: Chris Hage, Dark and Stormies.

All amid the splendor of a real-life, top-hat-displaying mansion with sublime breakfasts that offered no melons but the grand lemondrop.

So as you enjoy memories of a wondrous Weekend (for the love of the gods, also enjoy the Deb Dicke album), consider …

Who and how done it: Weekend XV
The Time-to-Vote Sonnet

It wasn’t Mrs. Vrooman’s sturdy bread
Or ghosts of imitated Lincoln trees.
We didn’t end up under wordy head-
stones because of bitty bikes that kink the knees.

The Butcher of Bloomington: Acquitted.
So too the Ace of Pomeranian.
Towanda round hurt no one. We flitted
To Normal and lived to tell the tale again.

And now we know everyone playing
Did no offing (except the faux Commie).
So who of us is guilty of a slaying?
Vote your Top Tens now. Choose one from Tommye

Or another. For on a mansion knoll,
It was we killed us – wielding only a droll.

Posted in 2015 – WwW XV, Announcements | Leave a comment

Top Ten XV

Vote now for your favorites or add new ones in the Comments section:

1. “When Pushkin comes to shovekin.” – Mike (submission: Beth)

2. “Why did you come here? … Towanda around.” – Tommye (submission: Deb)

3. “Do you remember what card you were dealt?” – Mike. Was that a catch-the-liar question or not or both?

4. “All at the same time?” – Tommye after the lengthy list of possible burger condiments at Kick’s in Towanda.

5. “Do you like Mike Mikottis?” – John Hoffman trying to winnow out the one holding the Ace of Pomeranians. (submission: Deb)

6. Head cut off gesture, pop off head motion, put on platter, offer – Deb’s charade for Salome

7. “In 50 years I’ve never seen a duplicate, Ed.” – said prior to the first of three charade Ozes

8. Williams Bay — MJ, with the impossible guessing game.

9. “Oh dear, here comes Mrs. Vrooman with her loaf cart.” (The Queen, despite her better judgment, commands me …)

10. The Lobster Lover’s Lament (Genre: Country/Western). “The window shades are drawn, my wife’s face is drawn, the bank man says my account is OVER-drawn. But my butter ain’t hardly drawn at all. What’s a man to dip his two-tined fork in?”

11. “Nothing with a tail or a foot” – Bryan’s wine buying guide

12. “Everyone knows we’re wending.”

13. “They call me the Butcher of Bloomington.” – Richard II, aka the artistic director.

14. “This replica plaque honoring that replacement tree … ”

 

 

Posted in 2015 – WwW XV, Top Ten | Leave a comment

Weekend 14: What a show

The year we learned of the new charms of our old friend Bloomington.  Beth once again killed with her Kulm Kocktail Kontest winner.  We found the hidden gems of the Mackinaw Winery, Lucca pizza, an Art Deco church and one of the best performances we’ve ever seen.  Congratulations GoH winner Chris Hage.

Top Tens

That killed in Spring Green. (Our attempts to entertain at the Ewing Estate ended with mixed results. DD)

A Dither in Burr House.  (Deb’s suggested title for the book version of our jaunt.)

Mary Ann still needs to talk with you.  (Surly lodge owner not happy with his guests.  Deb thankfully averted the lecture.)

Burr House is a very very very old house … Paint peeling off the walls. Dust bunnies in the halls … With two guys in the yard. Not working very hard … With mold spores in the rugs, look out for those bed bugs.  (Apologies to CSNY.  The Collective.)

Thus Blows the Grand Seigneur.  (Those Victorians sure knew how to use a parlour.  As well as a bag of floor and laps.)

I just dinglebelled my shorts. (The dangers of removing a jester hat while holding a glass of wine. JH)

I won’t poop until Thursday. (Yes, Deb did bring lots of great cheeses.  MJ)

The petulant jester.

They need to be de-muffed. (MJM2)

Bioluminescence! … No paparazzi!  (Quoth the pre-four-year-old.  Ike)

Griffin!! (The uncanny Hage charades mind meld)

The Pazzi Conspiracy did not include Ralph Malph. (Bryan)

Chris:  I’m going to go out on some pants.
Mike:  Please.

I’m sorry for terrifying you. (Woman at park after remotely unlocking her car while we walked by.)

Looks good … (Burr House owner’s announcement upon bringing out breakfast: Was never clear if she intended an exclamation point or a question mark.)

Posted in 2014 - WwW XIV, Top Ten | Leave a comment

Weekend Remembered

The Gown fell on virgin shoulders at XIII.  And while our picnic never touched nature (or, tragically, cheese), we did give ourselves a Groupie. (And yes, I did just allude to my mother as a virgin.)  In remembrance …

  • Self-indulgence. Reliving a dozen years of up yucking — and proving I have too much time to kill: The Weekend Highlights Reel.
  • Pictures. Check out what’s up, and post your own or email them to me.  (Same with poems, etc.)
  • Kulm Kocktail Kontest Winner: Beth. Obviously.
  • Accounting. YOS was really bad at watching the funds. I don’t remember if I owe anyone money or if I’m owed.
Posted in 2013 - WwW XIII | Leave a comment

Kulm Kocktail Kontest winner XIII: Beth. Not even close

This came in a distant second …

Whiskey Blazizzle

Lemon juice, sugar, whiskey, basil.  (See last year’s entry for rough portions)

Posted in 2013 - WwW XIII, Famous Recipes | Leave a comment

The Weekend XIII Plan for Fun

Weekenders —

For those of us who need structure to our lives, here’s the rough outline for how we will enjoy ourselves:

Friday, August 23.

  • Arrive at the lodge in the afternoon.
  • Dinner at The Bank … Yes, it’s reopened!
  • Play (8p)

Saturday, August 24

  • Morning. School of Picnic (Prepare and learn to prepare a first class picnic)
  • Noonish.  Mess around.  (Governor Dodge? Road Trip?)
  • 4pm-ish. Cheese and cocktails
  • 6pm-ish.  Let the picnicking begin … Games, fun, and possibly more.

And don’t forget our other Weekend traditions:

Posted in 2013 - WwW XIII, Announcements | Leave a comment

Cocktails!

What sustained Weekend XII …

Guavaberry Boat Drink*

Motto: “don’t let the taste fool you; old man Guavaberry will punch you in the face!”

1 shot Metaxa
0.5 shot Guavaberry
4 shots OJ
0.5 shot grenadine
Fill tall glasses with ice, pour drink in glasses, and add a celery leaf garnish

— Beth Hage

* By popular acclamation (i.e most calls for more batches), winner of the Kulm Kocktail Kontest

Canoe Sunburn

Motto: “after 5 hours marooned in a canoe, you need a whole pitcher !”

Fill blender with watermelon
Pour malibu rum to a count of 5 (about 1/4 bottle)
Pour Midori to a count of 2
Pour grenadine to a count of 2
Add two scoops of ice
Blend
Garnish with cubes or slices of melon

— Chris Hage

Gin Blazizzle
An updated version of last year’s entry:

1 part gin
2 parts lemonade
Lots of ice
Muddled basil

Shake or blend.  For best results, drink several.

– YOS

Posted in 2012 - WwW XII, Famous Recipes | Leave a comment