Weekend with William | Weekender Blog

Top Ten 2008

Posted on September 14, 2008 by jhoffman

After a record number of entries and votes, we are proud to roll out the officially exciting 2008 Weekend With William Wisconsin Top Tens …

First, the Top Honorable Also Rans — entries with at least a couple votes:

11) “Come on, everybody, we appear to be in a big hurry.” (Amy gets some backsass after trying to move our tubes downstream instead of sideways.)

12) “Looks like seventeen years of vegetarianism out the window.” (Yes, Beth, Sharon’s “tuna” salad will do that to you.)

13) Robert the Doll. (It is critical with this one to enunciate in a Hagean baritone.)

14) “Peaseblossom!” (Mike liked saying that, a lot, with corresponding flourish.)

15) “Can I get a bit of the Kurosawa?” (Requesting a favorite soundtrack from Beth’s 50-cent plastic flute.)

16) “Yeah, I used to care.” (Deb’s assertion.)

17) “Well, I must have had someone in the bar this morning who worked at a cheese factory.” (Waitress at Puempel’s, after Bryan’s discourse on the bacterial relation between limburger and body odor.)

18) “Shine on, shine on Sturgeony Moon – !”

19) “Make historical markers part of your lifestyle.”

20) “Oh, just get an armload of food.” (Instructions to Bryan on his way to buy fixin’s for breakfast.)

And now, the WwWm Certified 2008 Top Ten Ö

10) “Oh, is there paperwork to fill out?” (Melissa, on seeing Top Ten entry forms being completed.)

9) Do dogs pee in the water while they’re swimming ñ or poop, for that matter? Ö Good boy, Lenny! Good boy! Ö No, downstream, downstream! Ö Oh, that’s just nasty. (The final comment from Hage.)

8) “Oft won, never washed.” (Ed’s troubling observation on the GoH.)

7) “Is that Homeric or classical Greek?” (Bryan, binoculars in hand, being queried about the words on the prop Port-O-John on stage.)

6) What exactly is the definition of armload? (An Ed-xistential question, from the unit of measure that firewood is sold by at the resort. Many advanced degrees never found a satisfactory conclusion.)

5) “Going to hell in a Rachel Ray Waste Bowl.” (Bryan, updating a classic.)

4) “Screw you guys; I’m getting on that canoe.” (Sayeth Deb during our strung-together tube tour, referring to the offer she received from a passing and presumably more handsome group.)

3) Pay showers ñ cleanliness costs. (But it’s the best eight-bit hosing you’ll ever find.)

2) “Aris-toph-anes?!” (Bryan’s dramatic reading while docenting the Allen Ludden Papers tour.)

And Ww/Wm 8’s Number One:

1) “Don’t f*%# a whore without a condom, and don’t put your purse in a urinal.” (Hage’s proposed solution to 80 percent of the nation’s public health issues.)

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII | Leave a comment

Poetry Revue

Posted on August 27, 2008 by jhoffman

It is requested that you review (and, if necessary, enjoy) the following outstanding selections from Ww/WmWi. Then — leaving behind your empathy and personal feelings — tell us, in “Leave A Comment,” your selection for best Poem, so that we might select our 2008 Malvolian of the Year. Also, email YOS or leave a comment if you have any additions or changes to your entries. I know I’m missing at least three or four here.

UPDATE: After carefully reviewing the flood of votes, we have a 2008 Malvolian of The Year. It is Deb Dicke, for the haunting elegy A Weekender’s Thanksgiving. Congratulations, Weekender Deb! Your prize will be presented at next year’s Willie Awards Ceremony (Resort Casual requested).

_________

Untitled RSVP

Dismal solitude.
Journey halted. Absent from
Weekender revel.

– Elizabeth

__________

Wing-ed Angel

O, wing-ed Angel! Violin laden spirit
Play on- your lofty tunes!
Interpret for us your cryptic runes
Resist not my clamoring cries!
Speak to Ed, and those other guys.

– Mike

__________

Here is my Haiku
Unfortunately it is
not all Bryku style

– Chris

_________

Friku (unperformed)

Tomorrow looms large
A day of no play they say
Just hilarity

– Mike

__________

I liked the play
I was hoping for witches
Maybe in 09

– Chris

__________

Mineral Point! (Lyrics)

Mineral Point, Mineral Point…
What’s the point of you?

Mineral Point, Mineral Point… (It’s a)
Non-glaciated…
Slightly emaciated…
Unique point of view.

When the Password is “bucolic”
Mineral Point’s the clue!

When the birds in sky do frolic
Mineral Point’s the blue!

When it’s time to wax symbolic
There’s only one thing to do:

Raise Old Glory o’er Mineral Point
And give a hearty “moo”!

– Mike

__________

Burn some Catholics
What is an armload of wood
That should keep us warm
[ALT last line: Who has some matches]

– Chris

__________

Oh, celestial orb
See how you shine above us
We adore your warmth

– Steve

__________

Barack Obama
Meet the New Boss, oh really?
Same as the old boss

– Steve
__________

Frank Lloyd Wright is cool
Seventy bucks is too much
House on Rock is cheap

– Chris

__________

Perhaps The Lady Doth’t Drooped Too Much
A Sonnet on Mid-Illinois Nights’ Dreams

Shall we compare Spring Green to past loved site?
Warm corn-fed lips had she, a figure eight,
We thought. But o’er time a robust once-delight
Can almost seem somewhat – er – glaciate.

O! Summer joys we flung: Ewing dining,
B-Beer Nuts, cold Tewkesberry Slushies, glow of lake,
The triple cripple who soaked us, whining
Of crummy breakfasts (except, ‘course, Steak and Shake).

True, to have a Rubenesque figure here
May speak less of paintings than the sandwiches:
But our hostess now, undulate land of beer,
Offers such voluptuous images.

Sure to Twin Town we hie again just might!
Till then: We’ll here, with that weirdo Frank Lloyd Wright.

– Y.O.S.

__________

Untitled

Eee gads! Here I am with my subscription to
Elcastellano.org’s “La palabra
del día” expired! What can a woman do?

Oh yes Fibonacci can unite destra,
Sinistra; exalt senses like flights of wine.
Process mapping, budgets, yield no such extra

Delights of pretentious cheeses; words sublime!
Does she submit? Tolerate the daily hell?
When oh how she has yearned for this special time

Away from co-workers she can never tell.
Desesperación crushing soul. The pains!
Shakespeare! Merengue! Sheer joy they would compel!

Her wish for safe travels is all that remains
And next years’ hope for perhaps tidy quatrains.

– Elizabeth

_________

Feet of Angels Bryku

Limburger is made
From BO bacteria
Ew, smell my fingers!

– Deb
__________

do I entice you?
My quiet seething visage
One fit per trip. Done!

– Melissa

_________

Life comes at you fast
Smell the roses, see the world
The slow lane is good

– Steve

_________

Oh slug bug slug bug
Thin excuse to throw a punch
So satisfying

– Melissa

__________

Untitled

A last …
P eople getting together
O r
E veryone going it alone
M akes no difference, always a good time!!!

– Sharon

__________

I can not compete
Deb, John, Bryan, Mike, Amy.
My poem is complete

– Mary Jo
__________

Know dogs allowed
Know dogs quiet
Who’s a good boy?
You are.
(don’t count – there’s no numbers associated)

– Mary Jo

_________

Bavarian Inn
Lasses in dirndls and chucks
Plastic shoes of beer

– Melissa

__________

Mineral Point

Bastard hills of drift less beauty
hoodwink pilgrims sleepy stupor
simple syrup drains trickling
coils of hidden streams

Herbaceous comforter of mud and flies
without urbane clockworks to spoil
dinner and slow justice within
a sip of water and savory bite

The ayes glaze over night frozen
and shattered tortoise shells
forgotten belie a lost love
hidden among dust and books

White haired ladies we all
we searchers mock carelessly
at our own expense really
glad for companionship

another year a better year
an earlier year for sure
Cornish fields and laborers well spent
have left their marks for us to find

Clay and old smells lift
in breathing humid waves
unseen mites of knowing caught
between glances and waiting

too late now to change places
embracing rhythm instead
moving in predictable order away
from home to home

– Mike

_________

Intimations of Inanity from Recollections of Bloomington-Normal

What though the gleam of Lake Clinton
Be now forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the mini-golf artificial turf, of glory in the Ewing Manor bower,
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind,
In the oppressive humidity of outdoor theater,
Which having been must ever be,
In the soothing smears of pungent cheese that spring
From Wrightian cows of single color,
In the faith that looks through intermission,
In the years that bring the alcoholic mind.
Thanks to the poets heart by which we live,
Thanks to its meters, iambic or otherwise,
To me the mixedest metaphor can give
Thoughts that lie too thick for tears.

– Bryan

__________

A Weekender’s Thanksgiving
(A post-Weekend ode)
Malvolian of the Year Award

As we rinse the algae from our swimsuit crotches
As we dig the rich Wisconsin earth out from under our toenails
As we scrub the smell of Limburger from our fingertips

Let us give thanks.

For armloads and blenders, Fibonaccis and FIBs*
For spacious bathrooms that are not steamy

For vodka gimlets and stagnant tubes, liverwurst and young coconuts
For sitcom Shakespeare amidst monochromatic cows

Oh, let us rejoice in Aristophanes and also the sublime
And the look of childlike wonder as a new GoH owner is born

But most of all, dear weekenders, let us be truly grateful
That we are John Hoffman Family and Friends.

Amen.

*F%#@!king Illinois B@#$#ards

– Deb

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII | 3 Comments

Voting Now Open for Top Ten 2008

Posted on August 22, 2008 by jhoffman

Michael Phelps got nothing on us: We earned a record 47 Top Ten entries this year. Please carefully review them herein and then cast your ballot for your ten favorite by number in the “Leave A Comment” section, below.

You can also add another entry there.

The official Top Ten will be announced at the annual Willie Awards, now available on Comcast.

1) “Aristophanes?!” (Bryan’s dramatic reading during the Allen Ludden Papers tour.)

2) “Make historical markers part of your lifestyle.” (From Melissa)

3) “Screw you guys; I’m getting on that canoe.” (Sayeth Deb, referring to an offer from a passing and presumably more handsome group on the river. From Melissa)

4) “Shine on, shine on Sturgeony Moon Ö !” (From Melissa)

5) “My pants are still wet.” (Hage’s periodic announcement. From YOS)

6) Beth’s pina coladas ñ the drink that eats like a meal. (Melissa)

7) “I’ve touched bottom!” (Source unknown. This hopefully referred to contact between a tube and a sandbar.)

8) The Mustard Museum (Melissa)

9) “Daiquiris? They’re extra boozy.” (Beth)

10) Surveying the ditch in the theatre parking lot, ensuring the Bug could traverse it. (Steve)

11) Tubing on the river with Cabana Boy John. (Melissa.)

12) “Can I get a bit of the Kurosawa?” (John requesting his favorite soundtrack song from Beth’s 50-cent plastic flute.)

13) “Is that Homeric or classical Greek?” (Bryan, binoculars in hand, being queried about the words on the prop port-o-potty on stage.)

14)”What frightened me most was that she was dancing with a cleaver.” (Mike, referring to Beth, who really was doing just that. From Amy)

15) Thinly disguised excuse to punch. (From Steve)

16) Do dogs pee in the water while they’re swimming ñ or poop, for that matter? Ö Good boy, Lenny! Good boy. Ö No, downstream, downstream! Ö Oh, that’s just nasty. (The final comment from Hage. From YOS)

17) The memory of last year’s “least memorable moment.” (From Amy.)

18) “Ed, the fire is hot.” (From Steve.)

19) “Going to hell in a Rachel Ray Waste Bowl.” (Bryan, updating a classic. From Mike.)

20) When we learned Deb and Chris are related through their grade school teacher in Dixon. (Amy.)

21) “She is like a fountain of funny.” (Referring, of course, to Beth)

22) Pay showers ñ cleanliness costs. But that was the best eight-bit hosing you’ll find.

23) What exactly is the definition of armload? (An Ed-xistential question, raised by the unit of measure that firewood is sold in at the resort. Many advanced degrees never found a conclusion.)

24) “Yeah, I used to care.” (Deb’s assertion. From Steve.)

25) “Oft won, never washed.” (Ed’s troubling observation on the GoH.)

26) “Don’t f@&# a whore without a condom and don’t put your purse in a urinal.” (Hage’s proposed solution to 80 percent of the nation’s public health issues.)

27) “Anyone want their teeth?” (From Mike)

28) Remedial mooing. (From Steve)

29) “Oh, is there paperwork to fill out?” (Melissa, on seeing Top Tens being completed.)

30) Fly spray. Let’s put that on the list! (Mike.)

31) “Peeease-blossom!” (Mike liked saying that, with corresponding flourish, a lot.)

32) “Oh just get an armload of food.” (Instructions to Bryan on his way to buy fixins for breakfast.)

33) “Don’t forget to use me.” (John said this but he doesn’t know why or when. From Amy.)

34) “Mike, is that a cufflink in your butt(on) hole?” (Thus Spake Sharon, perplexed.)

35) “That’s OK, I just wanted to win.” (Ed, being Ed. From Mike.)

36) “Well, I must have had someone in the bar this morning who worked at a cheese factory.” (Waitress at Puempel’s, after Bryan’s discourse on the bacterial relation between limburger and body odor.)

37) “Come on, everybody, we appear to be in a big hurry.” (Amy gets some backsass after trying to move our tubes downstream instead of sideways.)

38) “Looks like 17 years of vegetarianism out the window.” (Yes, Beth, Sharon’s “tuna” salad will do that to you.)

39) “I’ve always enjoyed the parts I’ve seen.” (Mike on staying awake during the plays. From Amy.)

40) Robert the Doll. (It is critical with this one to enunciate in a Hagean baritone.)

41) “Give me 30 seconds, and I’ll make you happy.” (Mike to Deb. Don’t ask; please. From Amy.)

42) “Since when is tuna a vegetable anyway?” (So wonders Mike. From YOS.)

43) Chilled salad bowls. (Melissa)

44) “My pants are dry.” (See above.)

45) “Evidently I have more than one sphincter.” (Deb. From Steve.)

46) Because they’re cousins, identical cousins Ö (Melissa)

47) “Can you do it backwards, though?” (Bryan, around 1 a.m., on Kneesy Earsy Nosey.*)

* For a tutorial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiFEFL6ThRI )

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII, Top Ten | 9 Comments

Poems (?)

Posted on August 10, 2008 by jhoffman

Best Declining RSVP Award

Dismal solitude.
Journey halted. Absent from
Weekender revel.
– Elizabeth H.

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII, Poetry Slam | 6 Comments

Vittles

Posted on August 8, 2008 by jhoffman

The exciting Wisconsin news is we should have a grill available for us for our pre-play dining, either at the party cabin or the theater.

As is our custom, Your Obedient Servant will provide for the main course and necessary implements (cutlery, napkins, etc.). And Mike’s promised us a fabulous Saturday riverside breakfast. We’ll probably ask a few bucks per person for food, etc.

Basically, we’re about a dozen of us. So whatever else (sides, etc) everyone can bring would be great for Friday night. On Saturday night, we’ll probably hit a supper club.

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII, Food & Beverage | 4 Comments

Gown of Humility

Posted on July 17, 2008 by jhoffman

From Weekender Deb:

OK Kids.

It appears we/I got stuck with that
blasted gown of humility. In an effort
to just get it out of my house, I have
a very simple plan. I will be hosting
our first Wisconsin White Elephant
Exchange.

“White Elephant, you say? I do know about
Janesville’s white buffalo but Elephant?
My, my.”

Here’s the preparation part:

You have about 4 weeks to dig around
in your
house/office/attic/basement/underwear
drawer and find something that you
no longer want/need/love/understand.
You will wrap this glorious gem
beautifully/tastefully/in hotel
stationary and present it, anonymously,
on Friday night for the
exchange.

I’ll provide rules for the exchange then.

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII, Rules (Know 'Em So You Can Break 'Em) | Leave a comment

Poetry Slam: Keep Shakespeare grave-spinning

Posted on July 17, 2008 by jhoffman

As always, we will be featuring our Annual Poetry Slam. The winner (chosen by the audience, usually without regard to skill or sobriety on anyone’s part) is named Malvolian of the Year and earns a minimally interesting gift award.

Any form of poetry is acceptable, though the Homeric Epic has been largely discouraged. One may wish to study previous entries for inspiration, or perhaps as a form of aversion therapy. Among favorite forms for Weekenders have been:

The Haiku. Three lines (5 syllables, then 7, then 5 again) with no need to rhyme. The last line is often zany. Special credit is typically awarded for a Bryku, which, of course, is one that makes some reference to Weekender Bryan.

The Fibonacci. (hat tip to Kurt): Number of syllables per line as follows: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, etc. (if you need to know any more beyond that, you should probably consult either a math textbook or the expiration date on your medication bottle).

The Elizabethan Sonnet. Written in iambic pentameter, the rhyme scheme is a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g. The last two lines are known as a couplet and often act as a summation or conclusion, though just as likely they were slapped on at the last minute.

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII, Poetry Slam | Leave a comment

The password is: Unglaciated Wisconsin

Posted on June 15, 2008 by jhoffman

Good news, good friends all!

We’ve secured a block of discount tickets for the featured play. The first twelve troupers who confirm will be part of the official Weekend group, at $35 per person — so … act now! (By telling me you want a ticket.)

Once again, WwWmWisc will be August 15-17 in Spring Green, Wisconsin. We have several cabins and motel rooms set aside. We’ll be seeing Midsummer Night’s Dream on Friday night and spending the rest of the time with cookouts, touring, and river tubing.

And the floor is open to suggestions on the much much. Allen Ludden’s Password 1575? Wine and cheese tasting in a party cabin? Or what?

— YOS (Your Obedient Servant) JH

Motel (About $95/night): http://www.roundbarn.com/ (Ask for a room from the Hoffman group; you may get a discount.)
Cabins ($110/night): http://www.wiriverside.com/cabin.htm (They apparently have three beds per cabin, so shacking up is encouraged. Email me for cabin details. Also check out the page about the inner tubes we’re getting.)
Theater: http://www.playinthewoods.org/
Some ideas for the much much: http://www.springgreen.com/
Weekends past: http://www.weekendwithwilliam.com

Posted in 2008 - WwW VIII, Announcements | 1 Comment