Poetry Contest Guidelines, or: How We Made the English Language Very Tense

Friday is “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry” Night. The winner (chosen by the audience, usually without regard to skill or sobriety on anyone’s part) is named Malvolian of the Year and earns a minimally interesting gift award.

Any form of poetry is acceptable, though the Homeric Epic has been largely discouraged. One may wish to study previous entries for inspiration, or perhaps as a form of aversion therapy. Among favorite forms for Weekenders have been:

The Haiku. Three lines (5 syllables, then 7, then 5 again) with no need to rhyme. The last line is often zany. Special credit is typically awarded for a Bryku, which, of course, is one that makes some reference to Weekender Bryan.

The Fibonacci. (hat tip to Kurt): Number of syllables per line as follows: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, etc. (if you need to know any more beyond that, you should probably consult either a math textbook or the expiration date on your medication bottle).

The Elizabethan Sonnet. Written in iambic pentameter, the rhyme scheme is a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g. The last two lines are known as a couplet and often act as a summation or conclusion, though just as likely they were slapped on at the last minute.